Great Turnip Growing Contest of 1286
POSTED AT THE MANOR GATE To all householders of Middle Woe,
The annual Great Turnip Growing Contest has now concluded.
The winning turnip, measuring approximately the size of the parish pig's head, has once again been awarded to the cousin of the Manorial Clerk.
The Office of the Reeve has received several enquiries regarding the unfortunate disappearance of a number of rival entries prior to judging.
The Keeper of The Drunken Goose, Toby Maltspigot, has confirmed that he possesses no knowledge whatsoever concerning the whereabouts of the missing turnips.
The Office has recorded this statement.
Parishioners wishing to lodge formal complaints may do so by writing upon suitably prepared turnip skins and depositing them in the village midden.
The Office accepts no responsibility for any complaint subsequently eaten by pigs, geese, or other interested parties.
Thomas Clodwell Reeve of Middle Woe