Parish Turnip Reward Scheme
POSTED AT THE DOOR OF ALL HALLOWS CHURCH To the faithful of Middle Woe,
In an effort to encourage good conduct amongst the parish, I have reluctantly agreed to introduce the Parish Turnip Reward Scheme.
Parishioners may earn Turnip Stamps as follows:
- Attending Sunday Mass without heckling the priest – 2 Turnip Stamps
- Refraining from throwing turnips at the choir (however tempting) – 3 Turnip Stamps
- Remaining sober until after the official midday ale inspection – 1,000 Turnip Stamps
I should point out that no parishioner has yet qualified for the third reward.
Turnip Stamps may be presented at the church vestry where, after careful consideration, they may be exchanged for absolutely nothing.
It is hoped that the scheme will encourage reflection upon Christian virtue.
I remain cautiously optimistic.
Father Peter Puddlewick Priest of All Hallows Church, Middle Woe