Puddle Inspection
POSTED AT THE MANOR GATE Notice is hereby given,
Following the recent spell of persistent rainfall, the Office of the Manorial Clerk has authorised the immediate implementation of the Parish Inspection of Standing Surfacewater (P.I.S.S.) Regulations.
With immediate effect, every puddle within the Manor of Middle Woe shall be inspected to ensure compliance with the approved standards governing depth, width, colour and general puddleness.
For administrative reasons, these standards shall not be published.
Nevertheless, all puddle owners are expected to comply fully with them.
Any puddle found to be in breach of the Regulations shall be required to attend a compulsory Puddle Evaluation Evening (P.E.E.) to be held in the parish barn.
Attendance is mandatory.
Parishioners are reminded to Bring Your Own Puddle (B.Y.O.P.) for evaluation.
Excuses relating to excessive weight, evaporation, seepage, or what several residents continue to describe as "basic physics" shall not be accepted.
Residents are further reminded that puddles forming naturally without prior written approval remain unauthorised and may therefore be subject to retrospective inspection.
Furthermore, any attempt to improve, enlarge, reduce, relocate or otherwise interfere with a puddle during the inspection process shall immediately invalidate the inspection for the entire village.
In such circumstances, the Reeve shall be obliged to raise a Hue and Cry, after which all inspections will recommence from the beginning.
Parishioners wishing to appeal a puddle measurement should submit Form PDL-14B in triplicate no fewer than seven days before the puddle in question came into existence.
Nicholas Marsh Manorial Clerk
Relevant forms are currently being prepared.