Puddle Inspection
Puddle Inspection
Good morrow, Parishioners,
Following the recent spell of heavy rainfall, Middle Woe Parish Council has announced the immediate implementation of its P.I.S.S. programme (Public Inspection of Surface Saturation).
Beginning immediately, every puddle within the parish will be carefully inspected to ensure it meets official P.I.S.S. guidelines regarding depth, width and colour.
The Council has declined to publish these guidelines, but nevertheless expects all puddle owners to comply with them.
Puddle owners whose puddles fail to meet the required (but undisclosed) standards will be required to attend a mandatory Puddle Evaluation Evening (PEE) at the parish barn (BYOP – Bring Your Own Puddle for evaluation. This is non-negotiable. Excuses relating to weight, evaporation or basic physics will not be accepted.)
The Council would like to remind residents that puddles forming naturally without prior written permission are void, and to alert residents that the heavy rainfall is due to continue for as long as is deemed necessary.
Parishioners are also advised that any attempt to alter a puddle during inspection—for example by adding water, removing water, or moving it somewhere more convenient—will invalidate the inspection for all parishioners and result in the immediate raising of a hue and cry, after which everyone will have to start again.
Residents wishing to appeal a puddle measurement should submit Form PDL-14B in triplicate, no later than seven days before the puddle existed.
Respectfully yours,
Middle Woe Parish Council
