Puddle Relocation
Good morrow, Parishioners,
It has been brought to the attention of Middle Woe Parish Council that an unknown parishioner has attempted to relocate their puddle to a more convenient location.
The location remains officially unknown, although a substantial splashing sound and several remarks of a colourful nature were recorded in the vicinity of the Drunken Goose at approximately Vespers.
Toby Maltspigot has confirmed he heard nothing.
In accordance with P.I.S.S. regulations, the Council has raised an immediate hue and cry. This means that all able-bodied parishioners are required to drop whatever they are doing and join the pursuit without delay.
The Council acknowledges that some parishioners may, at the time of the hue and cry, be engaged in activities they would have preferred not to interrupt. Furthermore, Brother Geoffrey is presently asleep upon the church porch and cannot reasonably be considered able-bodied. Nevertheless, all parishioners are expected to participate with appropriate urgency and volume.
The Council would like to clarify that the hue and cry is directed at the puddle incident and not at the geese, who were also in the vicinity of the Drunken Goose at approximately Vespers and who, as always, have legal representation.
Agnes Nettlewood has kindly offered a restorative tincture for any parishioners distressed by the evening's events. The Council reminds parishioners that acceptance is entirely voluntary and notes that the last three people to partake of Agnes Nettlewood's restorative tincture spent the following Tuesday lying down.
As a result of the attempted puddle relocation, all P.I.S.S. inspections will recommence during the summer months, when puddle scarcity is most keenly felt. All parishioners are therefore reminded that they are expected to maintain a puddle suitable for P.I.S.S at all times.
