Puddle Relocation
To all householders of Middle Woe,
It has been brought to the attention of the Office of the Reeve that an unknown parishioner has attempted to relocate their puddle to a more convenient location.
The present location of said puddle remains officially unknown, although a substantial splashing sound, accompanied by several remarks of a colourful nature, was recorded in the vicinity of The Drunken Goose at approximately Vespers.
Toby Maltspigot has confirmed he saw and heard nothing whatsoever.
In accordance with the Parish Inspection of Standing Surfacewater (P.I.S.S.) Regulations, the Reeve has ordered that an immediate hue and cry be raised. All able-bodied parishioners are therefore required to cease their present activity and join the pursuit without delay.
The Office of the Reeve acknowledges that some parishioners may, at the time the hue and cry is raised, be occupied in matters they would have preferred not to interrupt. Furthermore, Brother Geoffrey remains asleep upon the porch of All Hallows Church and cannot reasonably be regarded as able-bodied. Nevertheless, all parishioners are expected to participate with suitable urgency and a satisfactory volume of shouting.
For the avoidance of doubt, the hue and cry concerns the attempted relocation of the puddle alone. It is not directed towards the geese, who were also observed near The Drunken Goose at approximately Vespers and who, as always, appear regrettably beyond the authority of this Office.
Agnes Nettlewood has kindly offered a restorative tincture for any parishioners distressed by the evening's events. The Office of the Reeve reminds all householders that acceptance remains entirely voluntary and notes that the previous three recipients of Agnes Nettlewood's restorative tincture spent the following Tuesday lying down.
Accordingly, inspections under the Parish Inspection of Standing Surfacewater (P.I.S.S.) Regulations shall recommence throughout the summer months, when puddles are in shortest supply. Parishioners are therefore reminded that they remain responsible for maintaining a puddle suitable for inspection at all times.
Failure to comply may result in further notices being posted.
Thomas Clodwell Reeve of Middle Woe