P.U.N.C.H. Declarations

09 Jul, 2026

Parishioners,

In an effort to maintain order within The Drunken Goose, landlord Toby Maltspigot has introduced a new policy: all disputes must now be declared in writing prior to commencement.

Patrons are asked to complete Form 42B (“P.U.N.C.H. — Proposed Uncivil Neighbourly Confrontation Hearing”), specifying: the nature of the disagreement, the expected volume level, and whether throwing of tankards is anticipated.

Unregistered arguments will be postponed until paperwork is complete or tempers cool, whichever comes first.

Brother Geoffrey has already submitted six pre-applications.

Respectfully yours,

Middle Woe Parish Council

#notices