Turnip Violation
NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN that certain Parishioners have been observed in flagrant breach of proper herb-substitution conduct, namely the wearing, wielding, fastening, flourishing, dangling, balancing, or otherwise displaying parsley, nettles, and turnip peelings in place of the Official Parish Protection Herbs.
Such conduct constitutes a violation of the TURNIP (The Unauthorised Regulation of Nettles, Ingredients and Peelings), ratified under the Sensible Vegetation Measures of 1284.
Any person found adorned with counterfeit protective foliage shall be liable to an immediate fine of one farthing, payable upon demand to the appointed Collector of Botanical Misconduct, who has not yet been appointed.
Failure to pay the prescribed fine to the duly appointed Collector of Botanical Misconduct (once such a person can be persuaded to accept the position) may result in the offender being required to wear an approved sprig of rosemary whilst standing in the Thinking Corner upon the village green, facing north, on a day that shall not be disclosed in advance.
Any person failing to attend the undisclosed appointment shall be deemed absent by choice and may incur further administrative disappointment.
The Parish Council reminds all residents that ignorance of the TURNIP is no excuse for ignorance of the TURNIP.
Respectfully Yours,
Middle Woe Parish Council
